She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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