You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
