I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
