i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
