Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
