turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i think my cat just said my name.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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