Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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