my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
