People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish you could order shots online.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
