Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
