I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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