There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
