we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My vagina just recognized that song.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
