i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
