so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
