Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
