I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
