i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
