I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
