You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
