my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
