Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
