Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
