I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
