That's intense
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
