Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
