I have demons in me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
