He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
