Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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