So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
