Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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