Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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