You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
