I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I touched a dick in church today
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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