found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
