Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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