I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
