I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My feet surprised me
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
