So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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