I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
