please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
