Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
