Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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