You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
