Just cropdusted the office
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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