my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
