i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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