If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
