Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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