with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
