Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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