I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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