how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
