Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
