His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
